Although I was always told that I could say ‘no’ to sex, I was never told that I was allowed to say ‘no’ to specific sex acts. I’m sure my mother thought it was obvious that if I didn’t like something, I should speak out. But I thought after you decided you were ready to have sex, part of the “deal” was to go along with whatever your partner wanted. This logic applied to both things I was uncomfortable with, and things that I didn’t mind but that just didn’t feel good. It wasn’t until recently (I’m 24) that I started to get the idea that you’re allowed to tell your partner the things you want him/her to do or not to do.